the basket case diaries

I was riding in the car with a friend of mine recently and was stunned by her behavior. She is
normally a mild mannered, polite young woman whom I can't imagine raises her voice to anyone. You can therefore imagine my horror when, after being abruptly cut off by another driver, she briefly lost her mind. She swerved the wheel, uttered curse words that made even me a little uncomfortable, hung out her window shouting obscenities, and proceeded to chase this person down the street, while I gripped the door and seat for my life.

Clearly, she hasn't had the epiphany I recently experienced in regards to road rage. I was driving down the road, on a rainy day, when I had a moment. I looked at all the other cars around me steadily making their way to their respective locations, and realized, there are people in those cars. I know this sounds strange because of course there are people in those cars. How else would they be on the road? But, it was the first time I really internalized it--all of these moving, metal boxes around me had people in them.

These people no doubt had their own lives, relationships, celebrations, tragedies, etc. Where were these people going? On the way to the hospital for the birth of their first child? On their way back from a funeral? To a job interview? On a date? It's been postulated that the reason normal people get behind the wheel and lose their minds is because they feel no fear in their mobile, metal fortresses. It's easy to cuss someone when a) you can't really see their faces, b) can be miles away from a potential ass-kicking in seconds. And, I believe this to be true, but I think it's more than that. We forget that there are actual people in those cars--just like us, and as cheesy as that sounds I try to remember that when I'm driving before I lay on a horn or bite someone's head off. Granted, some people are just assholes and idiots and deserve a good middle finger in the rearview.

Upon moving to Philly, I sold my car and now take public transportation everywhere, so I don't really deal with the road rage anymore, but something else has been coming to my attention that I find to be, at the root, very similar to the issue with drivers--and that's the lack of internet/cell phone etiquette. I'd like to preface by saying that I realize I am guilty of this too, and although I seem to always be harping on manners, this emerging trend seems to be much more pervasive as people don't even realize how rude they are being.

For example, IM-ing has allowed for an ease of communication for some time now, but has also set the stage for some pretty terrible habits. For example, people rarely say goodbye before they sign off. They will have an extensive conversation with you, and at the first sign of a lull, their dot turns gray. WTF? You would NEVER go out to dinner with someone and just up and leave in the middle! You wouldn't walk off mid sentence after bumping into a friend at a bar! There is always some sort of closure, well wishing, and goodbyes. Granted, IMs are much less formal, but some sort of warning would be nice.

The same goes for the hello situation. Doesn't anyone else find it odd that one will often stay on line all day and not say hello to anyone on their list of available friends or vice versa. Why is this acceptable? If I walked into a room, and happened to see my bf there, would it NOT be weird if I didn't walk over and say hello? If I just mingled around with others in the same space? How come some people wait hours before they "walk over" to you and say hi.

I realize we are all adults, and we have jobs, and we can't possibly greet everyone in our list every day. Between that and the goodbyes, we would never get any work done, but aren't there certain people you should at least say a few words to? Your bf/gf or best friend? Sister or brother? Even a quick good morning, or hey there. Or just a quick, okay I'm leaving, at the end of the day? Am I crazy?

I realize this is coming from the girl who also thinks call waiting is the rudest thing in the world. You're chatting it up with someone--someone else beeps in, you realize you would much rather talk to this person, and literally tell the other person that this call is much more important and that you will talk to them later. HUH?? Imagine being out and talking to someone, another person walks up and taps them on the shoulder, your friend sees them, turns to you and says, "Sorry, I have to take this." You would be incensed!

It's the same with texting whilst talking to someone else. It's as if some random person keeps sticking their head into the room causing you to divert your attention to them periodically to answer their questions while simultaneously trying to have a conversation with the person actually nice enough to make the effort to be in the same room as you. HOW ANNOYING!

The question is, why do we stand for it? Why do our standards of politesse all of a sudden take a nose dive when it comes to technology? I think it's the same reason people have psychotic breaks behind the wheel. There are no immediate consequences. Much like a dirty windshield, you don't have to see the person on the other side of the IM window, and you can be miles away from the interaction in moments with just one click of the mouse. It makes me wonder if this is the way people actually prefer to communicate.

I know I sometimes loathe small talk. If it were socially acceptable, would I walk into a room where I knew everyone, say hello only to the select few that I felt like talking to, and always better deal whomever I was interacting with if someone more interesting showed up? It actually sounds sort of amazing to have that kind of freedom, but it's also completely selfish. When you leave a conversation abruptly, or don't respond to a text, or email, or IM, it can be unkind. Your dot is GREEN, it's clear you are there. If someone ignored you in person, you might not ever speak to them again.

And look, I know that the very appeal and convenience of these types of innovations is that they save us time from all of those antiquated niceties, enabling us to just get the information we need in 150 characters or less. Like I said, I am guilty of all the aforementioned things. I'm just saying that with all of this forward momentum and forging ahead and cellphones that internet and find restaurants and keep track of your monthly flow, perhaps we shouldn't forget that there are people in the room when we are scouring the interweb for the latest breaking news, and people on the other side of the screens we stare at all day when we just up and leave our conversations--just like there are people in those cars on the road.

If I forget, I'm sure there's an app for that.